How to Fail
- Always arrive late.
- Never slip into your desk quietly. Instead, make a “big production” of entering the room by interrupting the class in session, dropping your books on the floor, etc.
- Better yet, don’t have your books with you .
- Never bring a pencil to class. Always borrow someone’s and forget to give it back.
- Never bring notebook paper. Let other people spend their money on paper and you just keep borrowing from them.
- Use the paper you borrowed to write a note. After you finish, make a big deal out of passing – or better yet, “throwing” it across the room to someone else disturbing as many people as possible.
- Never, ever, do your homework. The teacher will admire your consistency.
- Lose your textbook the first few weeks of school so you will have an excuse for not reading your assignments.
- During class, doodle on your notebook with a pen.
- Draw as much attention to yourself as possible by being loud, starting arguments, etc.
- Groan a lot.
- Say, “This is BORING!” loudly every five minutes or so, especially if the classroom is quiet.
- Ask, “Why do we have to do this stuff?” as often as possible.
- After the teacher says, “turn to page 36”, say, “What page?”
- When your group or partner is depending on you, show up unprepared. Better yet, don’t show up at all.
- Turn in all of your assignments incomplete.
- If you absolutely can’t talk in class, fall asleep instead of working on your next assignment.
- When you get your test back with an “F”, shout, “This isn’t fair! The teacher hates me!”
- Never show concern about your grade until the last day of the grading period. Then ask the teacher for extra credit you can do to make up all the missing and failing assignments.
- If the teacher says, “No”, throw a fit.
- Tease the student that sits in front of you by banging the back of their chair or making strange noises.
- Tease the student that sits in front of you by taking their assignment, notebook, or pencil. Remember to keep an innocent look on your face.
- Stay up as late as possible so you will be sleepy in class.
- Always chew gum loudly and leave candy wrappers laying in the room for someone else to pick up.
- If you have a report to do, always copy it word-for-word from the ‘World Book Encyclopedia”.
- If you decide to do homework, make sure you copy it from someone else.
- If you decide to do your homework for fifth period English, be sure you do it during fourth period biology.
- Don’t take notes. If you followed items #4 and #5, this should not be a problem.
“Remember that no one has the right to interfere with the learning of another.”
Following these rules will ensure that you fail and must repeat the class for a second time.
