How to Raise a Delinquent

  1. Begin in infancy to give the child everything that they want.  In this way, they will grow to believe the world owes them a living.
  2. When they pick up bad words, laugh at them so they think they’re cute and will pick up ‘cuter’ phrases to embarrass you with later.
  3. Never give them any spiritual training.  Wait until they’re 21 and then let them ‘decide’ for themselves.
  4. Avoid the use of the word ‘wrong’ so they won’t develop a guilt complex.  This will condition them to believe later when they’re arrested for stealing a car or possessing drugs that society is against them, and they are being persecuted.
  5. Pick up everything they leave lying around – books, shoes, & clothing.  Do everything for them so they will be experienced in throwing all the responsibility on others.
  6. Let them read any printed material they can get their hands on including all internet sites.  Be careful that that the dishes and glasses are sterilized, but let your child’s mind feast on garbage.
  7. Quarrel frequently in front of your child so they will not be so surprised later when their home breaks up.
  8. Give the child all the spending money they want & never let them earn their own.  Why should things be as tough as you had them?
  9. Take their side in disputes against teachers, neighbors, and policemen.  They are all prejudiced against your child.
  10. When they get into real trouble apologize for yourself, saying ‘ I never could do anything with them.’

Prepare for a life of grief because you are apt to have it.